Wednesday, March 2, 2011

DFA

I am going to preface this by saying that there is no point to the writing that follows. Rather, it’s the result of sitting in one place for the past five hours and the realization of reality setting in.

Right now, it’s 11:15 at night. I’m on the train on the way back into Chicago from Michigan for the first time since July of 2010 and I’m riding it with a feeling of melancholy that’s not related to the four college kids drinking beers and talking at the top of their lungs or the flailing child kicking the back of my seat. It has more to do with the fact that one of my best friends, someone I’ve known since 6th grade and have developed an iron-clad bond with over the past 12 or so years, is leaving for Australia for two years tomorrow evening.

When I reflect on the last half of my life, Donna Aviles has been a consistent presence. Of the maybe 4 or 5 people from high school that I still keep in touch with, Donna is the one in the most vivid memories. Along with our seemingly permanent accessory, Brad, we were a constant presence outside the downtown Starbucks or at the sushi place or just driving around, it didn’t seem to matter what we were doing, it was always fun.

But the most important times aren’t always the best or easiest. We’re both stubborn people, I, in particular, antagonize for the sole purpose of agitation. There was the time in high school that we argued about abortion vs. adoption with me being, not pro-choice, but pro-abortion. It was notable because it wasn’t one of our normal, stupid arguments. It was also the first time Donna called me her best friend. Best. Friend.

It’s a term that was and still is thrown around a lot. I don’t believe that it’s something to be taken lightly. A best friend is someone you can always rely on to be there for you. Your own personal cheerleader. It’s someone that you can call no matter what time it is just to talk and end the conversation feeling better about your position in life.

But now, my friend is moving. Moving out of the state she’s lived in for most of her life, spending a solid 20 plus hours in the air, to continue her education in Australia. And though I’m going to miss her as much as I have ever missed a person in my life, I know that now’s the time for me to be her best friend and support her. I tell her that everything will be ok because I know that it will be and I hope that she’s able to fully appreciate the opportunity she’s being given.

Donna, you’re one of the most important people in my life and I couldn’t be happier for you.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Expert Texpert

I am a smoker.

I have been a smoker for the past seven years of my life.

I do not want to hit 10 years.

I know this, even as I lean half of my body out the one window in my studio apartment without a screen and inhale deeply. And exhale. And inhale. And exhale.

The lengths that I go through as a smoker to continue this awful habit are testaments to my lack of willpower. Does buying a pack of cigarettes mean that I skip a couple meals? No big deal, nicotine's an appetite suppressant anyway and I could stand to lose a few pounds. Does buying a pack of cigarettes mean that I can't go out and drink this week? Whatever. Does buying a pack of cigarettes mean that rent's a little bit tighter this month? Does it matter?

About a month ago, I developed small bumps on the back of my throat. They're still there. Last week I went to the Walgreen's walk in clinic to get them looked at.

"It's not strep," the nurse practitioner said.

"There are certain sores that appear if it's some kind of oral cancer," she said.

Of course, it doesn't matter. A nice, under-recognized side effect of being a smoker is that I automatically assume the worst when it comes to my health. Of course it's cancer, what else could it be? I deserve it, picking up such a stupid fucking habit.

But here's the thing. I. Can. Not. Stop. Or rather, I am not ready to stop yet. I am so unprepared to lose something that has been such a huge part of my life for so long that I am braving all the risks. I am also an idiot.

When I started, I was 16 and I still knew better. But Christ, those cloves tasted good AND looked fucking cool. And how comfortable was I driving around in my car, pungent clouds trailing out of my windows? It was like coming home. Ignoring a brief, ill-advised affair with a pipe that only served to make my friends and I look like big big assholes, I stayed a clove smoker until just before college. Hilariously, I bought a pack of cigarettes to get me off the cloves in an attempt TO BE HEALTHIER. Did I mention that I'm an idiot?

In college, besides alcohol, cigarettes drew us all together. Flush with graduation party cash, I was awash in a paradise of tobacco, alcohol and Chinese food. My pack count grew to around two a day. Essentially, I spent much of the day and night outside. It was a safety blanket. It didn't take away my my anxieties but it gave me something else to focus on. My antisocial tendencies made it so that I felt that I could only really connect with people with a lit smoke in my hand.

Sophomore year, I got an apartment with two friends, both smokers. Even though we said we wouldn't smoke inside, we did. With wild abandon. There was an actual layer of smoke in our small apartment that hung about six inches thick from our ceiling. When we opened the door to our porch, it looked like a scene from a stoner comedy.

That has been my life. It is my life. Smoking is so much a part of my daily routine that it's impossible to separate certain acts from lighting up. Like waking up. Or eating. Breathing?

I have used quitting aids, the gum, the patch, the mints. The gum made me nauseous, the patch made me twitchy, the mints did nothing. If I quit, it has to be cold turkey. I need to quit, I don't want to be a 26 year old smoker. I don't want to be a 30 year old smoker. I definitely don't want to think about what happens if I'm still smoking after 30.

New year, new me? Let's make a deal, life. I'll quit smoking if you take it easy on me.

No, I don't want to shake your hand.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Why Men Love Strip Clubs

Once you walk in and pay your $11 door charge, you're not a person anymore. You're an animal, overtaken by lust and desire. I am, at least.

You enter through a revolving door, herded through, really. Like cattle.

It's an assault of the senses, this club. Eyes have to adjust to the dimmed lights, nostrils flare to the cigarette smoke and stripper perfume, an entirely unique smell. My ears twitch as the DJ's voice booms through the speakers.

"For all you fans of big, beautiful titties out there, let's hear it for Alicia!"

He's got either the best job in the world or the worst, depending on who you ask. An x-rated carnival barker, a smutty wrestling announcer only instead of readying you to rumble, he's rallying everyone to cheer louder so that the girls take their thongs off.

He is our god.

Faux-velvet chairs speckle the club's floor. They resemble miniature thrones, promoting the idea that every man is a king. Every woman is a servant and the clientele buys into both ideas completely.

Waitresses wearing barely-there briefs and shiny corsets wander the room, refilling cokes. There's no alcohol served here, not with full nude dancers. That's just asking for trouble.

It's a busy night, a Saturday. Men sit in their thrones at small tables or up at the cash bar, the v-shaped row of chairs that outlines the stage, as they stare up at the attractive dancers.

Well, mostly attractive dancers. Kind of attractive. A handful is attractive. OK, not all the dancers are pretty. Some you wouldn't even look twice at on the street but in here, they are sex goddesses. Bastions of beauty to every man in here. They are actual angels with the black lights hiding bruises and pimples, poorly dyed hair and other imperfections. They are flawless.

The appeal of strip clubs seems obvious but I think it runs deeper than just wanting to see women naked and gyrating. There's a desire to be touched and wanted and loved, even if only for 3 minutes at a time.

A dollar at the cash bar gets a pair of tits in your face. Some men go the extra mile and put the bill in their mouths or collars so that the dancers have to bite it out or grab them with their bodies.

A $20 bill gets you a lap dance. I pick my girl: A short brunette with shoulder length hair and arm length tattoos. She tells me her name and I forget it instantly. She takes me by the hand and leads me to a private booth.

As I sit on the bench, arms dead weight at my side, I am actually nervous. It's like a first date but there's really no fear of rejection.

Her touch is warm, the familiar perfume not unpleasant and as she starts to dance, grind really, all the blood in your head rushes...elsewhere. Mine does, at least. You feel her hair across your cheek, a blanket made of thousands of strands of silk and lighter than air. Feathers. She is my messiah, a savior, something somehow inhuman and completely like home at the same time. In an instant, in that one moment, you can understand how some men spend thousands of dollars here. I can, at least.

She knows exactly where to apply pressure, how make you forget that I'm just some schlub to her, a non-entity, a breathing fleshy ATM.

"But no," you think. "I'm different."

I do at least.

But I'm not. And it all comes crashing down around you, this fantasy palace you've built, the moment the song ends and you hand over your $20. This is it, last stop, everyone off the bus. Unless you shell out more money, your letter to Penthouse is finished.

Still, I'm different when I walk back out to the main floor. I see everyone as they really are. The obese man "making it rain" on the stage, throwing crumpled up singles onto the dancers has no happy ending waiting for him. That waitress showering me with attention to go along with your caffeinated beverages can't be happy.

Some wisp of a bottle-blonde is sitting on the arm of my chair as I get back to my table. Sitting with my friend but saying nothing. Her name, she says, is Summer but she's anything but sunny. In silence, she's a wilting flower, young but prematurely weary.

"I've made a lot more money on other nights," Summer says and you want to cry.

She leaves, walks back by the private booths. My eyes follow her and she smiles and pulls her tiny top down, flashing me. This is how it is.

It's degradation everywhere I look. Some men heckle certain dancers, as if they could ever get a woman like that without paying. The transition is fast, from love-lorn to aggressive and offensive. Whatever the catalyst is , it skips me. I'm left with both euphoria and a little light-headed. I call it the "stripper coma." Think post-Thanksgiving dinner with the sluggishness of too much protein and carbohydrates working their slow way through your body.

Cold night air fills my lungs heavily as I make my grand exit, slinking out the door like the cat who ate the canary. No matter that the club is still filled with men just like me, my shame is individualized and completely my own. Like a film, it coats and leaves me sticky and dazed.

And immediately, I want to turn and go back.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Tim Kasher's New Sound and Why I Hate It

Spin is streaming a song off of Tim Kasher's upcoming solo debut, The Game of Monogamy, today. Titled "Cold Love," the track is replete with female backing vocals and a surprisingly slick production sound. And on first listen, I really, really hate it.

Kasher made a name for himself in the 1990s fronting Cursive before forming The Good Life as a side project. While Cursive's sound was abrasive and pained, The Good Life acted as an outlet for his softer, more acoustic songs. Between the latter's Domestica and The Ugly Organ and the former's Album of the Year and Black Out, Kasher's music caught my ear and never let go. The almost atonal guitars and vocals in Domestica were a vehicle for whatever teenage angst had a stranglehold on my life a few years ago (yes, I came to the game late). With The Good Life, his mellower songwriting and instrumentation helped me transition into a more tender Slant-Rhyme.

But this new song...I just don't know what he's trying to do. While Cursive's later albums (Happy Hollow and Mama, I'm Swollen) were definitely departures from their earlier material, there was still a similar undercurrent. With "Cold Love," I don't feel that at all. The vocals are still recognizably Kasher but the fancy production and cheesy supporting vocals scream...something completely different. Stylistically, the musical difference isn't that different from Against Me!'s defection from their "anarcho-punk" leanings.

I was a huge fan of Against Me! and their first two albums (and a number of their EPs) are still among my sentimental favorites. Then came Searching for a Former Clarity and New Wave. They had already dabbled in electric guitars and less anthemic fist pumpers with their sophomore effort, As The Eternal Cowboy, but their following two releases eschewed their punk leanings almost completely. Similar to Kasher's new song, Against Me! retained Tom Gabel's familiar vocal rasp but changed everything else. Streamlined and polished until it was a sterling example of how some bands should just call it quits before they completely alienate their early fans.

Then again, when Elliott Smith stopped recording everything alone in his basement with a four-track, everything worked out eventually (not so much for him, but for people who enjoy his music). Sure, he hired a band and a horn section for XO and Figure 8, but it didn't seem as forced. It was more a sign of Smith maturing as an artist and taking advantage of more resources to create something more. That could just be the benefit of hindsight, though.

On the other hand, Kasher has been straying away from autobiographical lyrics less and less over the course of his last few releases. Domestica and Black Out were intensely personal albums, both the result of his divorce, and the raw emotion was a driving force behind the music. Kasher is now happily (I assume) married again and it could be making him complacent in his songwriting. With the release of Happy Hollow and Mama, I'm Swollen, Kasher was still writing about topics that were clearly important to him (religion, love, etc.) but his sentiments were starting to ring hollow. With "Cold Love," nothing hits home.

Anyway, just my thoughts. Link below so you can check it out for yourself.

Tim Kasher - Cold Love

Why the Velvet Underground is still relevant

No one doubts that the 1960s was a time of discovery and revolution, especially when it came to rock music. Huge bands formed, released albums that are still being touted as the best of all time, and left lasting impressions on the face of the music world. Of all those bands, there were the behemoths like the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix Experience, and Led Zeppelin. All were bands that became more than musicians, they became cultural icons. Standing in the shadows at the time was the Velvet Underground, a band that didn’t find their audience until they were long broken up.

The lineup for their debut album, Lou Reed, John Cale, Maureen Tucker, Sterling Morrison, and the inimitable Nico, was one that set a template for their sound. Despite the fact that the individual sounds of the songs are diverse, the combination that makes up the sound is constant as are some of the ideals that seemingly drove the writing of them.

The primary sound of The Velvet Underground and Nico, save for the three songs where Nico took over lead vocals, was Reed’s sauntering, swaggering vocals, Tucker’s pounding, primal drumming, and Cale’s screaming electric viola. This was not a combination that typically came together to form an explosive rock group but that’s exactly what it did. Unconventional sound was part of the VU’s expression. The Velvet Underground and Nico can almost be seen now as a preview of what was to come with the band. Aspects of later albums began to shine through in their first.

The noisy anger and frustration of White Light/White Heat were present in “European Son” and “The Black Angel’s Death Song,” the calmer introspection of The Velvet Underground on “Sunday Morning,” and the Lou Reed’s version of radio-friendly pop like Loaded on “There She Goes Again.” These flashes of future brilliance create a map that their career would take.

Starting out with what is without a doubt one of their quietest songs, “Sunday Morning,” the listener isn’t prepared for what comes after. Kurt Loder wrote in the liner notes for the compilation of unreleased songs that “VUThe Velvet Underground and Nico contained three songs guaranteed to appall radio programmers,” listing “I’m Waiting for the Man,” “Venus In Furs,” and “Heroin,” as the offenders. Back in 1967, only a few years after The Beatles “appalled” parents and middle aged sensibilities all around the world with their crazy “long” hair and teenage love songs. To imagine those same parents hearing Reed talk about a “whiplash girl child” is verges on the absurd. Of course, those parents wouldn’t hear Reed sing those words because to say that the VU weren’t a big commercial band would be an understatement for a band that reached #171 on the Billboard charts at their highest point.

The Velvet Underground and Nico was a fitting introduction to Lou Reed’s twisted lyrical genius. The simplistically stream-of-consciousness lyrics of “Heroin,” one of the stand out tracks on the album, may be the best example. Reed has said in the album’s entry into the 331/3 series of books that the song is not meant to condone heroin use but instead to provide an unbiased presentation of the experience of shooting heroin and it only goes to show the talent that he nurtured. Lyrics such as “when the heroin is in my blood / and that blood is in my head / then thanks god that I’m as good as dead / then thank your god that I’m not aware / and thank god that I just don’t care,” evoke the building madness and borderline insanity that heroin users presumably feel. And while Bob Dylan and The Beatles flirted with the idea of slipping drug references into their lyrics subversively, Reed and company didn’t flirt. They fucked. The effect was not lost on future generations.

Right from the start, founding member John Cale doubled on bass and viola duties, among various other instruments. That viola sound helped add another dimension to the VU’s music and made it more than simple rock and roll with a sinister bent. It gave them a devil’s libido and blood in their stool. It made them seriously twisted and not in a Dee Snider way. It gave them the backbone to the first version of their sound.

Another aspect of the first album that should not be overlooked is Andy Warhol’s involvement. Without him, there would be no icy, Germanic supermodel singing her busted little vocal chords out. Without him, there would be no iconic banana gracing their record sleeve. Without him, they may not have gotten as much exposure touring with his Exploding Plastic Inevitable group. But by shedding him and Nico, the VU were able to move on and enter the next stage of their career.

Undoubtedly, the band’s time with Warhol opened them up to the avant-garde scene, an affinity that would be present in the band’s sound at least through their sophomore album, White Light/White Heat.

The follow up to The Velvet Underground and Nico was a revelation. Flashes of the art-rock and noise-rock that would appear on White Light/White Heat were apparent in songs like “The Black Angel’s Death Song” and “European Son.” In December of 1967, the record buying public didn’t know what to think about this attack on modern decency and conventional sound.

From the opening blast of the titular track, it is obvious that this incarnation of the VU, unhindered by Warhol and Nico, was a whole different beast entirely. Thick distortion covers the entire album, save for “Here She Comes Now,” like a glaze. Feedback was the fifth member of the band at this point and it showed up frequently for White Light/White Heat. Not the Jimi Hendrix or Eric Clapton distortion and feedback that was popular at the time but a sick, demented cousin of it.

The art scene that they soaked up during their time may have affected the songwriting and recording of their sophomore effort. Taking where they left off from “European Son” off of The Velvet Underground and Nico, “The Gift” is over eight minutes long and “Sister Ray,” the masterpiece of the album, is over seventeen.

“The Gift” is a short story written by Reed about a man who misses his long-distance girlfriend, ships himself in a box there, and is accidentally beheaded. While the story’s subject is novel and fairly par for the course in terms of black humor and grotesqueness, the very idea of setting an entire short story to music was a new idea. Even more, the idea of using one channel for the reading of the story and the other for the musical instrumental to create a unique mixture of the soft, accented voice of Cale and the hypnotic backing music was unique at the time.

“Sister Ray,” on the other hand was a study in the amount of chaos one could create in a single song. Seventeen straight minutes of aural assault, all frantically pounding drums and stuttering, overdriven guitar, and unearthly howls from Reed’s throat, it doesn’t let up at all. Organized anarchy and healthy exercise of controlled insanity rules the song and, one has to imagine, set the stage for noise musicians, drone musicians, and even punk and metal musicians.

It’s important to note, at this time, how truly different the Velvet Underground was in comparison to the rest of the music and people and atmosphere of the late 1960s. In an era often stereotyped as a time of free love, experimental drug use, and protests for peace, it must’ve been mind-blowing to hear the barely contained aggression and unchecked sleaze of the VU.

On the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s website of the VU’s induction, they write that the band “brought rock and roll into theretofore unexplored experiential realms with a literary and unabashedly adult voice.” That’s exactly on point. The Velvet Underground dragged America out of its infanthood and introduced it to puberty. Before Reed, the lyrical messiah was Bob Dylan. Needless to say, Reed and Dylan often wrote about very different material and while Dylan’s was still full of anger and adult frustration, it was a young man’s anger. Reed seemed to have the soul of a much older, perverted degenerate.

By the time 1969 rolled around, John Cale was gone and his bass guitar duties were taken up by Doug Yule. However, while the bass role was easily filled, Cale’s demonic viola would be missing on the last two official studio releases by the Velvets. It also meant that the reigns to the band were handed solely to Reed and allowed him to pull them in the direction that he wanted to go in, a softer and more introspective sound without Cale’s proclivity for the avant-garde.

Thus, The Velvet Underground was born. An album that took the feel of songs like “Sunday Morning” from The Velvet Underground and Nico and improved upon it and created others like it. The folky sound was a much different type of the Velvet Underground than had been seen before.

One of the main contributing factors of this was Reed relinquishing vocals on a number of the songs. Mo Tucker took the lead on “After Hours,” a song so upbeat and, while not cheerful, certainly more innocent than their earlier work, that it sounds like a completely different band. Musicians often play with their sound but this was a drastic change. In addition, new bassist Doug Yule also lent his voice on several tracks, singing the album’s opener “Candy Says,” a song about notorious Warhol-ite and transsexual Candy Darling, showing that while they may have lost their nasty distortion and feedback, they didn’t lose their tendency to tackle subjects that other bands would cower before.

Instead of Cale’s viola, there is a backing organ that takes the droning responsibilities admirably, notably on “What Goes On.” Even that, though, is different on this album. It’s not as intimidating as the viola’s wall of dissonance and actually compliments the music.

The gentle folk of “Pale Blue Eyes,” one of the standouts on the album, was a big step forward. Reed’s simple lyrics and oddly plaintive vocals combined with the soft tambourine in the background and surprisingly nimble guitar playing combined to make something more akin to a complete song than they had perhaps ever reached before. For a band that had strayed from commercialism so much in their earlier years, “Pale Blue Eyes” had enormous pop potential. Oddly enough, The Velvet Underground failed to break into the Billboard charts at all after the band’s first two, more inaccessible, albums appeared on them, though at very low spots.

Following up “Pale Blue Eyes” is “Jesus.” Soft finger-picking and harmonized vocals provided a totally new atmosphere for Reed’s songwriting to show through. “Jesus, help me find my proper place,” Reed sings. Not exactly the kind of song one would expect from a band named after a book on sexual sadomasochism. But it just showed that, as the next song explained, they were “beginning to see the light.”

The natural progression from the folky pop of The Velvet Underground to the actual, polished pop-rock on Loaded should have been obvious. By this time, the VU was a complicated mess. Mo Tucker doesn’t perform drum duties on the album due to pregnancy, leaving them up to Doug Yule and other drummers. Also, by the time Loaded was released in September of 1970, Reed had left the group. Atlantic Records wanted to push Reed into producing a hit single and the band’s fourth album was his response. Certainly it’s more of a commercially appealing album and contains two of their best known songs, “Sweet Jane” and “Rock & Roll,” both becoming live performance staples for Reed.

All of the songs on the album sound like they’re coming out of an old-timey stereo and it wouldn’t be surprising at all to hear some of these songs. The opening guitar riff on “Who Loves the Sun” to start off the album has the right about of twang to make it era appropriate. The lyrics too, are more cutesy romantically sappy than anything Reed had written for the band before. “Who loves the sun,” Yule croons. “Who cares that it is shining, who cares what it does since you broke my heart?”

The sound production on Loaded is crisp and polished, it is possible to pick out every separate instrument and the part they’re playing, though much of that could be attributed to the loss of their avant-garde tendencies when Cale and his John Cage obsession left.

Loaded also seems to be when Reed finally emerged as an incredible story-teller, not just a genius lyricist but someone who could craft a three of four (or seven in “Oh! Sweet Nuthin”) minute song with a beginning, middle, and end. Though listeners got chances to see this evolution throughout the Velvets’ career, he truly came into his own on their final official release and, as his solo career shows, continued to improve upon it.

“Rock & Roll,” a testament to the saving power of rock and roll as a music seems to serve as an anthem of the band at the time. Though the song has an upbeat and poppy sound, Reed still injected the darkness that made them such a different band at the time. “Despite all the amputations,” Reed sang. “You know you could just go out and dance to the rock and roll stations.” The firey guitar solo that splits the song is an homage of sorts to the solos of the 1950s and early 1960s garage rock bands. Reed’s voice is different as well. He actually sounds like he’s having fun on “Rock & Roll.” Really letting loose, interjecting “come on now” and howling during the rave-up ending of the song.

The liner notes of the Warner Special Products compact disc of Loaded offer an insight as to why the album was a revelation. “There’s nothing particularly fancy about the approach, but Reed’s personality simply burns as he gives a lesson in rock arranging and vocal delivery,” they say. Lenny Kaye’s original 1970 review of the album in Rolling Stone magazine stated that “you could go through any number of the cuts and pick out much the same things, those extra little touches that make each one special and able to stand up in its own right.” That was the thing, they had a style that they began to stick with, it was just a different one than most other bands out there. Loaded put them into full effect, the influences from early rock and roll, the shockingly gorgeous vocal harmonies, alternatively and appropriately scathing and mellow guitar work, and the simple yet powerful drumming (even without Tucker) all come together to form a perfect send-off to the REAL band. Yes, the name continued on after Reed departed, helmed by Yule, and even released another album, the much maligned and disappointingly mediocre Squeeze but the soul, heart, and brain of the band left with Reed.

But they weren’t completely done yet. Between the release of The Velvet Underground and Loaded, the Velvets compiled a number of songs for a different fourth album. MGM, their record label for their first three albums, declined to release it. The songs were collected and released on VU with some songs dating back to when Cale was still with the band. The compilation, despite being mostly random and thrown together tracks, is still a formidable piece of evidence for the excellent songwriting that Reed was capable of and the incredible chemistry of the band together despite tensions brewing inside during the Cale era.

Disregarding VU and Squeeze and after, the four original Velvet Underground studio albums, while not selling millions, were able to shape and form music in the years to come. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s page for the VU says “they are one of the most important rock and roll bands of all time, laying the groundwork in the Sixties for many tangents rock music would take in ensuing decades.” The fountain that the Velvet Underground sprung has nurtured the punk and alternative genres of rock music since their inception.

For punk, the style was just as important as the music. Black sunglasses, black leather coats, black tee-shirts, and a slight sneer at anyone who dares walk into their path was the M.O. for punks to come in the 1970s and 1980s. The 1960s were a time of extreme fashion choices, sure, the skinny ties of the mod scene with the Who, the matching black suits of the Beatles, the bohemian, open chested charm of Led Zeppelin and Hendrix, but somehow, none made as big a statement as the understated menace of Lou Reed, Sterling Morrison, and John Cale. And, as those other styles have died out, those basics have endured for over 30 years.

Of course, the music is not secondary to the clothes. Especially in their first two albums, the Velvets were pioneers when it came to using and abusing noise, dissonance, feedback, and drone in rock music. “White Light/White Heat,” is one of the best examples of this. Starting off without a introduction of any sort, the heaviness hits and doesn’t let up until the end where it lets loose with about 30 seconds of frantic, repetitive guitar and bass riffing. Expanding upon the ideals of early garage rock, the Velvets showed that it wasn’t necessary to use George Martin studio tricks to further the boundaries of music.

Reed’s lyrics are also a big part of the Velvet Underground’s legacy. The 1960s were still a time of lovey dovey songs and, if the band was daring, semi-sexual lyrics hidden under wordplay. With songs like “Heroin,” “Waiting for the Man,” and “White Light/White Heat,” being explicitly about drugs, it’s no wonder why the band didn’t see much commercial success. With other songs like “Candy Says,” “Venus in Furs,” and “Lady Godiva’s Operation” describing, respectively, a transsexual, rough and sadomasochistic sex, and a sex-change operation that turns into a lobotomy, it become clear that Reed was unafraid to take on situations and people that no other lyricists would touch. And still, there was more to explore. “New Age” describes the courting by a young man to an aging, past her prime actress and “European Son’s” poetic qualities that seemed to elevate it above other run-of-the-mill rock lyrics. Reed’s lyric writing elevated words to stories but, unlike Bob Dylan, he walked down a dark, twisted path. And he carved that same path out for many other lyricists such as Trent Reznor, Morrissey, and Frank Black, all of whom have also become icons in their own genres and times as well, but all who will forever be indebted to Reed, one of rock’s first tortured souls.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The Hold Up

I
Can this guy follow me around my whole life? I wish he could, voicing my little displeasures whenever it's not appropriate for me to.

As I got on the bus, I knew I'd be late for work. It was already 11:30 and I needed to be there by noon. As usual, I began to curse every rider who took longer than I deemed necessary. People in wheelchairs were too slow, people with families of more than two took up too much space. No one was spared my wrath.

Of course, nothing was said out loud. I chose, instead, to swear under my breath and roll my eyes. So when the man in the back spoke up, I smiled a little.

"What's the fuckin' hold up," he asked. "Let's get fuckin' going."

Yeah, I thought. What is the fucking hold up?

This, all while the bus knelt to accept a woman I placed in her mid to late eighties.

Maybe I'm callous, blaming this woman for her brittle bones and arthritic joints. I wouldn't argue with that.

Picture a man, feathery, gray hair crowning his head. His build is slight, his body constantly shrouded by a neon blue and green parka, hands always carrying suitcases and plastic bags. He looks around, a broad grin plastered on his face. I look into his bright, cheery eyes, my own burning with rage.

"Please don't die," I think. "And don't take this the wrong way. But I hate you."

Unaware of my internal monologue, he opens a can of tomato juice and sips delicately from it.

"Spill it," I think. "Drop it on yourself. Stop being happy."

To my disappointment, the pleasant old man finishes his drink with nary an incident and gets off the bus, unknowingly causing me more distress.

What could he possibly have in those bags? Why does he lug them wherever he goes every morning?

II

There's another man I see on the bus often coming home from work. He's unassuming looking, always wearing a white, short-sleeved button-up shirt, rep stripe tie and black slacks. You see him more than once and realize that's all he ever wears, no variation. Not like he's got a bunch of different colored ties or slacks with pleats and without. Like those are the only clothes he has, the ones on his back, the sweat staining parts of the shirt like you wouldn't believe.

He opens his mouth and yells something at the bus driver.

"Go for the green," he yells, urging the bus driver to make it through the green traffic light. "Come on, man, go for the green!


This isn't the first time he's spoken up that I've seen. Not even the first time since I got up this morning. The driver gets angry.

"Sit down, sir," he says. Repeats it. "You have to sit down."

"Go for the green!" The man stands in the aisle now, waving his arm over his head like a lasso.

The bus stops and a police car slows behind us. Pulls up to the driver's window. Gets out to come aboard the bus.

The man, meanwhile has moved up the aisle and is standing next to the driver, pleading his case, explaining that he was just being friendly and what's the guy's problem anyway?

"What's wrong, buddy," he asks. "Why're you being so hard on me?"

A police officer approaches the bus and the man steps off, looking nervously over his shoulder. He runs down an alley behind a pet store. He'll be back, I'm sure, ranting and raving the entire time. I like to think of him as some manifestation of my inner anxiousness, urging the driver to go faster. Asking why the driver has a personal vendetta against him. Both things I do in my head.

I hope I don't go bald too.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Great expectations and other disappointments

"There are other people who are worse off than me."

That's what I tell myself when I wake up at 5 a.m. to work a retail job most mornings.

"At least I have a job, a pay check, a home."

I know it's true but it's easy to feel desperate. No one wants a journalist who has no degree and limited experience, I ask. How could they not?

Trolling Craigslist for quick cash, I apply for a focus group on interpersonal communication textbooks. Twenty five dollars for an hour. I run across an ad to become a male escort.

"No pressure," it saus. "No sex necessary, just company and a good night out."

I take a second to weigh the pros and cons. I'm short, will women mind? I'm young, only 22, is that what they want or do they prefer a more distinguished looking guy? Will I have to wear a suit? I dismiss the idea.

Though my first highschool reunion is about five years away, I feel pressure, panic. Everyone goes to see the ones who have burnt out. The jock whoo peaked as a senior. The prom queen who lives in a trailer park with six kids. I look forward to that, at least. I have a strong desire not to have to say that I still work at the Gap.

"As a manager, though," I picture myself saying and die a little inside.

My parents call a few times a week and give impromptu pep talks that sound like wishful thinking.

"Sounds like you've got it figured out," they say. "Sounds like you've got it together."

They don't mention that I failed three out of five classes last semester. Don't tell me that I should've had it together years ago.

My work "days" are almost always five hours or less, meaning that I'm home by noon at the latest. That's six hours earlier than my girlfriend, primary bread-winner. Those six hours are spent washing dishes, making dinner and wallowing in self-pity with my cats. I spend a lot of time in bed.

I can complete half of a crossword puzzle. Half of a puzzle with clues like "India's neighbor" and "Swedish band from the '70s." It's what I do on the bus to and from work. Do we get smarter as we age or have I hit my intellectual peak?

I pass an elementary school on the way to work. If it's in the afternoon, the kids are outside playing. It takes me back to when I was that age. I think it's so odd to be nostalgic at my age, to wish I could go back to that time. No responsibilities, few expectations of me, when I didn't ask anything of the world but to be open and exciting. When disappointment meant not getting a toy I wanted. But I look at the unhappy faces of other busriders, my people, and think that maybe it's not so uncommon.